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disowns:

can i kiss your stupid fucking face or nah

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WHY DOES RESIN HAVE TO TASTE LIKE ASS!!!? :(

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  • #stoner struggles
  • 8 hours ago

Head Space

So I don’t know how else to say this but I really can’t tell which voice in my head is mine. And not like I’m hearing voices or anything. But my thoughts and feelings. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want vs what others want. And I really don’t know how to want without others’ wants factored in. I mean I can be just as selfish as the next guy. But that’s not the same. Selfishness is a device. Figuring out what you truly want… that’s deeper. That’s what life is all about I suppose. I don’t know… I guess the thought of figuring out an achievable or obtainable goal freaks me out. Because what then? I get really bored really quick and I feel like I just kinda rope my wants along with the wants of my environment because it’s easier to passively deal with. I have desire, I have dreams I guess… but trying to figure that shit out is psychologically crippling. I have gone through more behavioral changes in the past 5 years than I feel like I did in any of my teen years. Commitment scares the fuck out of me. That’s very easily able to be blamed on my childhood. But what good does the origin of the issue do me right now as a 24 year old? I need to find what makes me happy… but the happiness of others is really what my happiness feeds off of. Again probably an attention complex from my early days. So what do I do with that? How do I function normally with that? I know this is a mountain out of a mole hill thing. There’s always people in worse situations. And that never makes me feel better. Like not only do I feel sorry for myself, but now I feel like a dick. Also when I think about those people you will inevitably bump into at multiple points in your life… Those weird enigmatic folk that just don’t ‘get it’ and you know they never will. This goes beyond the mentally disabled. I feel most of those we consider mentally disabled are well aware of their limitations and they ‘get it’. I mean those people who are on a different planet entirely yet still talk and act just enough like us to pass but who still clearly will never ‘get it’. My natural reaction to people like that is heartbreak. But why? What difference does it make to me or my happiness? Other than bum me out? I’m not really sure this post has had much of a point… but I’m spending entirely to much money on pot to be this down in my head space. :-(

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  • #personal #me #depression #bipolar #happiness #head space #thinky pain
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